My Robot Vacuum is Like a Bad Pet

Every morning I wake up at around 7am and run through my morning routine. That always includes going down to breakfast and doing some light reading. At 8am our robot vacuums wake up and start their 90-minute cleaning cycles. Without fail, if I am reading in the dining room while I finish up my oatmeal, a vacuum will leave the living room and try to clean under my feet. If I try to read in the living room, the beast will stay in that room and annoy me until I go somewhere else. Does that sound familiar to those of you with pets?

Sometimes I will escape to my office which requires going down into the basement. Fortunately robot vacuums can't negotiate stairs and so the one from the main level will stay on there and not try to follow me. That doesn't keep it from annoying me though. Sometimes it will get stuck and call out with an R2D2-like beep asking for rescue. Other times it will get suck up a lamp cord going forward and backward like a small dog trying to dominate its favorite stuffed toy. I didn't think robots could be capable of such lewd behavior.

Today my wife moved the vacuum from the kids'-bedroom level and put it on the master-bedroom level. You wouldn't think there could be much trouble our bad pet could get into. There is. Not long after the robot started doing its thing, it discovered my acoustic-guitar stand. It pushed the stand over, guitar included, which made a slight racket as the guitar neck hit the wall. The vacuum got tangled in the stand and tried to free itself by moving forward and backwards. Once again, it looked like it was humping something while my guitar cried out like it was being molested. I used my foot to nudge the robot off the guitar stand only to have it head back in that direction. I didn't know if I should squirt it with water or just move it to another part of the room. I decided on the latter only to have it head right back to my guitar. I had to move it several times before it got the hint to get back to work.

logically I know the robot vacuums are not sentient beings. That doesn't exempt them from seemingly nefarious behavior though. It makes me wonder if there are behavior classes I can sign my vacuums up for.

The Bus Ride

I am at the Oakland airport waiting for my flight back to Salt Lake and had an interesting experience on the bus ride to get here. My son and I parked our borrowed car in the off-airport long-term lot. They had a shuttle bus to the airport and it didn't take long to fill up. Traffic is really horrible in the Bay Area this week because of the BART strike and so I had time to look around and notice what everyone on the bus was doing as my son was busy with his smartphone. It turns out that anyone under the age of 30 was on their smartphone. I laughed as I watched young couples ignore each other in favor of watching their miniature screens.

My son looked up as I chuckled thinking about the texting conversation the young lovebirds facing us were having on their phones. It went something like this:

Boy: This is cool. We R on this crowded bus & nbdy can hear R conversation.

Girl: LOL.

Boy: What do U think of those 2 in front of us?

Girl: They look like father and son

Boy: They could be brothers

Girl: No, 1 looks much older. He's cute

Boy: What? Which one?

Girl: The Dad

Boy: R U kidding?

Girl: No, look how handsome he is

Boy: But he's fat!

Girl: No he's not. Look how sure he is of himself

Boy: And bald!!!

Girl: It makes him look distinguished.

Boy: R U crazy?

Girl:  Y, R U jealous?

Boy: R we looking at the same guy?

Computer Mistakes

This morning I was reading through one of my computer magazines. I didn't read a single article except for one. Towards the back of the magazine there is a regular column that generally has three short stories about users making various computer mistakes. At the time, I am sure the users don't think they are funny. However after a bit of time some are quite hilarious.

I think one of my favorite computer stories is about how someone called in to technical support complaining about how his computer wouldn't turn on. The support engineer asked a series of simple questions like, "Did you push the 'On' button?". When he asked if the computer was plugged in, the user responded, "I'm going to have to get a flashlight as I can't see the cord because the power is out."

Another one of my favorite stories is about how a guy called in asking to have his cup holder replaced. The support engineer didn't think they shipped cup holders with their computers and probed further. He soon discovered that the user thought the CD-ROM tray was a cup holder.

Computers have the potential to make our lives easier but they also can be incredibly frustrating. Someone once said, "To err is human, but it takes a computer to really foul things up." I would have to agree.