Lines at the Airport

Every Monday I get the joy of standing in the same security line at the airport. If you didn't catch it, the word "joy" was soaked in sarcasm. I hate that line. The funny thing is, if I just wait 20 minutes to get to the airport, there is no line. I can sail through security with nobody in front of me. Instead, I try to give myself plenty of time in case there is a flat tire or some other emergency.

The airport has two lines: one for vacationers and the other for seasoned travelers. One would think that the expert line would move faster because everyone knows the fastest way to get through the x-ray machines and metal detectors. Unfortunately that is not the case because of one moronic TSA employee. There are 4 agents checking tickets and identification. Rather than split the agents between the two lines, he allocates three agents for the vacation line and one agent for the experts. Naturally the line with more agents goes much quicker. Since I travel every Monday, I know this and generally get in the faster line. It is interesting to watch the reaction of the business travelers once they realize their mistake. Unfortunately they are powerless to voice their dissatisfaction. The moment you mention the unfair policy to Mr. Moron, you get volunteered for that all-encompassing-body-cavity search.

Computers have lines or queues for dealing with tasks. That is what allows them to multi-task. Sometimes they use LIFO's (last in, first out) and sometimes they use FIFO's (first in, first out). There are all sorts of algorithms to ensure that important processes are dealt with first and less important ones wait patiently. I only wish the airport operated with such consistency.

Today a couple came through the airport and they were late for their flight. At the time they were sitting in the security line, their flight was boarding. I told them they should go through the empty handicap line and the TSA agents would help them quickly get through security. The couple took my advice and were immediately met by my least favorite TSA agent. He informed them they would have to go to the end of the line and wait like everyone else. Afraid of making a scene, the couple came back to their previous place in line. All of us in line were in a collective charitable mood and allowed them immediate access to the front of the line. The couple was able to make their flight, as I didn't see them hanging around as I passed the gate their gate on the way to mine.

This whole experience left me wondering about the security system at our airports. How do they pick TSA agents? Is it the best and the brightest, or individuals willing to work with grumpy travelers for $13/hour? Don't you think they could find people that at least know how FIFO's (first in, first out) work, so it isn't a guessing game as to when you will get through security.

Naturally I didn't say a word while I was at the airport this morning. My silence enabled me to pass through security without being flagged as a "random" traveler required to go through extra screening. Now that I have safely arrived at my destination, I can post my displeasure of the less-than-intelligent TSA officer. While it is probably safe to assume the guy can't read or even work a computer, it is probably the relative limited readership of this posting that will allow me to pass through the airport unscathed next week.