The Humor in Spam E-mail

I have a pretty good filter that eliminates a lot of unwanted e-mail. Unfortunately it may be a little too good as I have to go through my filter list daily to make sure I am not missing any important messages. I quickly skim the subjects and the sender. If there is anything that I think might be important, I can view it without having it sent to my inbox.

Weird Al Yankovic did a song about a decade ago making fun of the absurdity of horoscopes and so with a little creative license, I would like to add my thoughts about all of the Spam e-mails I see on a daily basis.

Lose 20 pounds overnight - As someone who has lost about 30 pounds in the past 3 months, I know what it takes to lose weight. It really is a simple trick: eat less food and exercise more. Unfortunately the only way to lose 20 pounds overnight is to have one of your legs amputated. I've grown attached to mine and want to keep them so I won't be trying to lose 20 pounds overnight.

Reverse diabetes with this one simple trick - For a lot of people there really is one simple trick for reversing type 2 diabetes and that is to lose weight. However I think those that have type 1 diabetes are offended by such claims. Losing weight also doesn't guarantee you will reverse diabetes, but you may keep it at bay for a while. I'm sorry as I really do want there to be a magic cure for diabetes. Unfortunately it is not that simple for everyone. If you do have diabetes, please see your doctor and get help.

These women want to date you - If I was living below the poverty level of some 3rd world country and you offered to fly me to the United States or some other equally wealthy country, I'd want to date you to. There are much less expensive ways of getting a date though. Besides, this is most likely a scam.

Have an affair tonight - No, I like my wife and wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her. I suppose there are some that might find this e-mail entertaining, but I'll pass.

Find out if he is cheating on you - I think this e-mail is sent by the same people that sent the previous e-mail. Anyone who responds to the previous e-mail is put on a list and all they have to do is check to see if your name is on the list.

I will pay you $2 Million if you help me deposit this money - I get something like this on a daily basis. Remember that if something is too good to be true, it generally is. This is a good way to have someone give up bank account information that bad guys use to clean out savings accounts.

You've won a prize - Ok, I'll admit that once I really did win a prize and they notified me by e-mail. However they provided information that I had given them when I signed up for the contest and so I knew it was real. Generally speaking though, you didn't win anything and it is just another scam.

Repayment of the money lost in a scam - This one is just sad even if it is a bit clever. If someone was gullible enough to get scammed once, they just might fall for it again in the hopes of getting their money back. Too bad it doesn't really work that way. 

I'm stuck in a foreign country and need your help to get home - I actually almost fell for this one. I got an e-mail from someone I barely know claiming that he was stuck in some foreign country and needed me to wire him some money so he could buy a plane ticket home. I didn't know him well enough to just call his family and ask if he was traveling and so it was tempting to respond and send him a few bucks. However I travel enough internationally to have seen the holes in his story and figured it was a scam. I was tempted though.

I wish there was something I could do to keep people from sending me so much junk e-mail. Unfortunately that is just the price we pay for being able to exchange messages so easily. Every once and a while I do crack a smile as I read some of these unwanted messages. Perhaps I just need to view them as entertainment and humor. After all, that is what the small print says about horoscopes.